Romance

As some of you may know, Chad and I are seperated. It's been a hard and painful experience in my life. I cannot be sure if we will get together again but I know that God is the one who should be my lover and I have not let Him be that for me for a long time. Kiev had brought me back to my first love and we are trying to restore our relationship again. But it's still hard to let go of worldly relationships that have meant so much to you.

I spent some time with Chad yesterday because it was his birthday. We hadn't had a great past few days and last night was full of good talks and laughter. We both know it is a great thing for us that I am going to Kiev. It will give us time to be seperate and spend time with the Lord.

I left when it was dark out. I walked out of his house thinking, "Lord, if you want us to be over, I don't know how I'm going to let him go." Then the most amazing thing happened.

I was surrounded by lightning bugs. Now maybe for most of you that means nothing to you. However, if you have ever read the book "Captivating", I bet you remember the part of the book where the author speaks about how God romanced her with hundreds of starfish on the shore of a beach one day. She thought it was the most beautiful thing ever and knew that God gave it to her to show how much He loved her.

Lightning bugs are my starfish. I am fascinated with them when they cover the fields around me. Chad lives by a lot of fields so there were lightning bugs all around (it was the first time I had seen them since summer started). Not only were they in the fields but they were floating all over the road so I was surrounded in them as I drove home.

I broke down and cried, thanking God for showing me that He will romance me if I let Him and that if I have to let Chad go, that He is more than willing to fill that hole that was meant for Him anyway. I have been a hopeless romantic from the beginning, wanting a Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice) or a Noah (The Notebook) and God wants to be that for me. He may send me one of those one day but as the saying goes...

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her."

I'm going to fall in love with Lord all over again and let Him romance me in my time of singleness.