I'm sorry

I'm sorry that I cannot hide how I feel.

I'm sorry that your actions affect me, and I'm sorry that mine affect you.

I'm sorry that my tolerance is low.

I'm sorry that I can't be fluffy.

I'm sorry that I'm not who you want me to be.

I'm sorry that I don't always do what a lover of Christ would do.

But most of all, I'm really sorry that I'm not sorry. Maybe things will change soon. Maybe they won't.

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I'm not in the best place of my life. I do have to say that I have a great marriage right now. I also know that marriages are a rollercoaster ride and it's safe to say that at the moment, the ride is going up a hill. I love my husband and he is a rock for me.



But I don't have a job... and finances are freaking me out right now. I am running out of money and am unsure of when I will get my next job.

Friends seem to be quite busy or it's that I'm married so that changes things. I don't know.

My gramma is gone. Watching her go was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. She was such a constant source in my life and I can't believe she isn't here anymore.

I miss my students and it's extremely difficult knowing they are back in school and that I am not a part of their lives anymore.

I'm struggling, again, with non-commital people. Just knowing that my gramma was so committed in everything she did and that I try to be, it just makes it more difficult to understand how some people cannot commit to things they know are good for them. I don't understand.

I have learned to adjust to things very quickly and I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I've already adjusted to my disappointment and have started to withdraw myself. I'm not sure how to get out of this. I know God will always be there, but I feel horrible that I'm not always there for Him.

It could be that tomorrow I'll be fine, that's how it goes for me. But right now, I don't feel very fine and I'm hoping it will pass soon. But if not--every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say; Blessed by the name of the Lord.


Great song.......

I'm running back to Your promises one more time
Lord, that's all I can hold on to
I've got to say this has taken me by surprise
But nothing surprises You

Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why....

No matter what
I'm gonna love you
No matter what
I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust You
No matter what


Well, I'm stuck in this nothingness by myself
I'm just sitting in silence
There's a way I can make it without your help
I won't even try it

I know You have Your reasons for everything
So, I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope
And You'll be my strength

No matter what
I'm gonna love you
No matter what
I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, I'll trust You
No matter what


Anything I don't have You can give it to me
But it's okay if You don't
I'm not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough for me