NOLA

I have so much to say but am not sure what should be unspoken.

Today was my last day at church until August. It all came so fast that I didn't even realize what was hitting me. I received the news on Friday that I was accepted for a job at a day camp in New Orleans from June 1-August 3. I can't express the excitement I felt. I kept pacing the house because I couldn't sit down. It was a great relief to find out that I would be able to not only have a solid job this summer, but one that relates to my major and will give me more experience with kids. Plus I desperately wanted to travel back to New Orleans for a longer period of time than I had before. Now enter the second hour of the news....

The fear came in like a roaring lion. This will be the first time for me to completely live on my own. When I travel there, I will not know anyone. I have met some people in New Orleans but I can't quite say it's a relationship right now. More business than friendship. Even when I went to college I at least knew Jenny and even roomed next to her. This is a whole new world. If you really know me, you will know that I'm not the best at meeting new people but I can completely let who I am shine through if I am with someone I know very well and am comfortable with. I won't have that. I just pray (and hope that you do the same) that I will open up to people and start a new chapter in my life.

I will also be missing many things including: My brothers' birthdays, Lijah's birthday, Chad's birthday, Chad and my 2 1/2 year anniversary, Nascar, festival of flags, going to the lake with Chad's family... it's just all those little things that I enjoy so much and I won't be there for them. I feel that it is kind of a part of growing up but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. And that's scary too.

I have lived my life wanting to make my family and friends happy. I have shown them with my presence that I will always be there. When I went to Huntington, it was hard for me because I wanted my family and friends back home to know that I wasn't leaving them. I started to feel friendships slip and I refused to let go. They are a big reason why I came back home. I wanted to fight for our relationships even if it meant me being at home when I was "supposed" to be away at college. So now what? Now I'm leaving for two months and I won't see friends or family for 2 months. What will the relationships be like when I get back? I don't know. But I know that it's time for me to step out and be on my own... I think.

This morning, however, two of the songs I led at church said that God takes away fear. I am confident in knowing that God is my boss and He gave me the job. He wants me there and He will protect me and be my best friend when the inevitable loneliness kicks in. I think this will be a perfect time for Him and I to grow in our relationship with each other and for that, I am thankful for this little escape.

Two months is a long time, but then again... it isn't really. Right?