Together

Two weeks ago, per tradition, I stayed at my parents' house and watched the Survivor finale with them.  It is one of the things that I look forward to when a new season begins.  I normally watch Survivor by myself but I always know I will watch the last episode with them.

During the show, things seemed a little off but I pressed through it.  I even got the see the person I wanted to win actually win--a rare thing.

Maddy went to bed with my mom and stayed there as I went to sleep in a different bedroom.  At 1:00 am I was woken up and told that Dad was urinating blood and Mom was taking him to the ER.  In a fog, I went and laid down with Maddy.  They got back around 4:00 am with the orders to go to Fort Wayne for an appointment the next day.

Great news: 80% likelihood that it was just an infection.  Bad news: 20% chance it was cancer.  The doctor was pretty convinced everything would clear up with antibiotics.  However, he had a follow up that Wednesday for further testing.  I went to that appointment with my parents and the doctor said he thought Dad had some stones in his bladder that he wanted to remove in surgery the next day and to check for anything else.  He was very optimistic.

Manda and I went to the hospital to be with Mom and Dad through the hour surgery (the night before leaving for vacation).  We sat and laughed together in the prep room.  Everything was funny.  The doctor told us the surgery would be over within an hour, probably around 40 minutes.  They wheeled him away and we waited, again, joking with each other, getting frozen yogurt, just being together.

Over an hour later, we were put into a room for a consultation with the doctor.  He began explaining what happened during surgery and within seconds he said he had found and removed a tumor in Dad's bladder.  That word sucked the life out of that tiny, stale room.  My mom gasped, Manda and I froze.  The doctor continued on, explaining the surgery, until Mom said, "Are you saying my husband has cancer?"  To which he simply responded, "Yes, I believe he does."

You know those moments where the world stops turning?  Where you float out of your body and see yourself below, making the moment not possibly real?  That's where I was.  That 20% chance hadn't been sitting well with me but my father could NOT have cancer.

I quickly let my thoughts and feelings pass as a single tear made its way down my cheek.  I knew I had to listen to what the doctor was saying instead of being lost in my own mind.  I knew I couldn't fall apart.  Not yet.  We left that room with a lot of information and were told that pathology reports would be in Monday or Tuesday to confirm cancer, what stage and what kind.

It was a struggle for my parents to decide if they were still going on vacation but the doctor assured us it would be fine.  We were able to travel with my parents and I was even able to drive for a few hours with just Dad and I.  It was a blessing to be able to talk one-on-one, something that has always been special to me but especially that day.

Tuesday the doctor called with the results.  Manda, Siah and I gathered around Mom and Dad as the doctor confirmed that Dad has cancer.  He said he is in stage 1 with a high-grade type of bladder cancer (most likely caused by second-hand smoke that he grew up with).  He also said that he believes he removed all of Dad's tumor but that he will have frequent check-ups and medicine will be inserted into his bladder as this type of cancer has a 30% chance of reoccuring.  We sat together, as a family, listening to news that would change all of our lives.

It's scary.  Cancer is never a word anyone wants to hear.  It's not at all what we expected but it's what we were dealt.

But here are the facts: everything is okay.  We are together.  It's times like these where you see what amazing support you have from others and who is there for fun vs. for you.  Above all else, it's a reminder to draw close to the Lord.

In the recovery room, as Mom, Manda, Stivers,  Yargers and I surrounded Dad's bedside, this song came on the radio.  We all knew it was God speaking.



*** You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep but I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good. ***

It really has been surprising to me, how at peace I am.  I know that I wouldn't have that peace with God.  I wouldn't have even had it a couple of years ago but He has been reminding me through life that He will never leave.  That I DON'T have to be afraid, even in scary situations-not because I'm being naive, but because He makes all thing work together for the good of those who love Him.  And I do.  We do.  And we are in this together.