This has been years in the making. It has been imprinted on my mind and ever so slowly trickled into my heart. I couldn't say it out loud before, for fear of disapproval and rejection. I don't know that I have said it out loud still. While women have been fighting for personal and professional rights, a war raged within me for a more basic right. I am seeing more and more women standing up and being an advocate for this. I am no one of importance to the world, but I have my own little world that needs to hear this and know that I believe it. I have won the war with myself and the result is is my belief in this; I am beautiful.
I don't just mean on the inside. I LOVE my body.
I love the way my toes are placed perfectly apart and how the birthmark on my knee will forever be a connection to my Gramma. I enjoy how my rear end fills out my jeans and the way my stomach shows proof of carrying the lives of those who changed mine so deeply. I am proud that after 10 months I am still able to produce milk for my son and that my arms are strong enough to carry both of my children. I appreciate the slight point in my chin, the fullness of my lips, the shape of my nose, the hue of my eyes, and the way I'm not afraid to change my hair. Really, I am in love with my body.
That is a hard confession to make. I wanted to wait until I had lost a good 50 pounds to tell everyone that I love how I look, but I can't wait any longer. At my age, there is so much pressure to be in constant fitness mode. I have tried to get my head in the game but there are so many other areas in my life that I want to be my focal point. Health and fitness are so important and I admire and appreciate those who share their health and fitness journey with so many people. I have been able to apply tips to my life that I believe will make a large impact in the future. However, I refuse to wait until I am of "acceptable" weight before I accept that I am beautiful.
There is too much at stake, ladies, especially for those who have daughters. I hope to never see my daughter look in a mirror with disgust. I crave to see my son not berate a girl because of her size. I want to raise my children to love themselves from the inside out and to appreciate and respect those who surround them. I want to break the cycle of self-loathing and make it difficult for my daughter to understand what would make someone even consider beginning an eating disorder. I want my daughter to not only accept compliments but to give them freely. I want to give my children confidence in more than just their abilities, thoughts, and actions, but also the beauty of their bodies - no matter the size.
I can't just tell my kids to have confidence. They have to see it in action. I will be that model for them. There is too much at stake to let society win this one.
I will let my children know how I feel. I am beautiful. I am gorgeous, vivacious, wonderfully put together. I hope that is what you see when you look in the mirror.
How would you describe yourself? Have you won the battle?
1 comment:
I keep trying to find the words to say how this post makes me feel. In a word: wonderful. I think you are 100% right and I wish I had the confidence to say what you're saying, even today. I may have won my battle with my scale, but I still have not won the battle with my heart. I needed to see this post, Jamie. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
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