Disappointment

You know how people (especially jr. high/high school girls) say that they have "the best friends ever?!" Yeah, well, I can't exactly say that.

I have great friends. I have two in particular that I appreciate and love so much. But they have their own lives and are busy with their own things, just like I am. I have other friends in my life that I want desperately to be close with but they just seem to not only have their own lives but are stuck in it and don't see anything else. It's hard. I don't make an effort towards anything that I don't think is worth it and when I put all my effort into a friendship and get nothing in return, it just kills me.

My church family and blood family are the best and they couldn't be replaced. But I need friendships with those who are around my age and I don't have any that are close distance-wise to me. I would do anything for my friends, they just never ask anything of me. I will think of many instances where if a friend would have asked me something, I would have done it and it would have changed my whole life. But no friends trust me enough it seems.

And you know what it does? It makes me HAVE to depend on the Lord because I have no where else to turn. I don't know if He wants me to have this extreme best friend kind of relationship or if He will allow my friendships to be there and then gone again. I know now that He is giving me a glimmer of what could be with two friendships that seem to be thriving but I'm afraid it will disappear and I am also still hurting about other friendships.

I just need to learn to trust. Because when it comes to friendships, that is where I seem to trust the Lord the least.